The Days Without Guys - Day 220

What now you guys? Seriously..WHAT now? Let me start off to tell you guys what I did all week.
Monday - Research Paper. Work.
Tuesday - Research Paper. Prepare for International Food Day.
Wednesday - Test. Study for Physics Test.
Thursday - Stayed Home. Research Paper.
Friday - Nothing in school. Went on the swings with my friend for a little bit. And while everybody went to watch the biggest volleyball game of the season, I had to go to work.
Saturday - Jogged. Late for work. Went to post office. Then, to Center City. AND then to South St. Pretty long day.

As you guys can see..I have no time for my friends or ANYBODY. I only have Sundays, but that's family day. And I just miss hanging out and being a teenager. It's ok. I know what I'm doing is going to help me a lot when I'm out there in the real world. But right now..I just want a break. I really do. And I think I'm gaining weight..=[ Even though I work out everyday. Jog all the time. I still feel fat and out of shape. I'm sorry for venting. But my friends don't want to hear it anymore and I don't know who else to say it to. I can't keep holding it in. I've had many times where I've wanted to throw up. But I know that if I do it, I'll get addicted and then I'll keep doing it. And I seriously do not want that. I know how to control myself but those thoughts are always in the back of my head. I wished that I loved myself a little more. I wished that I could look in the mirror and say..."hey, I look pretty today." and really mean it. I hate looking at myself directly in the mirror. I just look at my stomach..ALL the time to see how fat I've gotten. And lately, it has been getting pretty bad. Although people are telling me otherwise. I still think how I do. My best friend does not know how beautiful she is and she always compliments me when she's the one that's getting all the guys. It's kind of weird. But yeah. I sometimes wished that I wasn't so boring at first. I just hate showing and putting myself out there when I first meet somebody because I'm so insecure that they won't like me. Ok. Enough about me. As for you guys, I really do hope you all get better. I know we'll all get through the crap that we're going through. We've done it before. Smile. :]