EVERYTHING IS ON MY SHOULDERS

I have so much to do nowadays. I feel sad. Sometimes, I feel lonely. For example, today while walking down the hallway, I felt a sense of loneliness. I felt as if I needed somebody there to just hold me. And it kills me that I'm always wanting something that I can't have and I shouldn't even long for. I have a research paper due on Thursday. It's a lot to do. I have an internship to worry about. And I have to keep up my daily routine of working out. I hardly sleep anymore. And I think that is why I'm sick. I am falling behind SO much in all of my classes. I need to get away from everything for a moment. But it's hard to escape anything when everything is right in front of your face. Right now, I wished that I had somebody here to talk to me. A companion if you will. Just a person that will just listen. The person that I might be longing for doesn't even know that there might be a chance of me wanting him. As of now, I try not to think much about it. He's the most sweetest and most innocent thing I have ever met. The things that are keeping me away from him is that he's one of my friend's (aquaintence's ex). I don't care if I'm not close to her. It's still wrong. Another reason is that he is a year younger than me. A lot of girls probably chase him around all the time. And it pisses me off that I cannot long for him when all I want is to have him. Although this just might be an infatuated feeling. I'm not sure what to think anymore. I'm too busy for this crap talk. But then again, I feel as if I need to talk to him. He's thinking about somebody and it's not me. I have realized how annoying and unlikeable I am at times. I talk a lot and I'm too sarcastic. I think people get annoyed by that. And I'm too insecure. When I'm insecure, people take it as if I'm digging for compliments. Just to clarify things..I AM NOT DIGGING FOR COMPLIMENTS. I really feel insecure about myself. It pisses me off when people think that I'm starving myself because I lost weight. It pisses me off that they think I took the easy way out to become fit. I did not. And I refuse to. I love food too much. I work out every morning. So, yeah. This girl in my school angered me so badly the other day when she told me that I look like I need to eat. People act like I'm a fucking stick. I AM NOT! I have meat on me. Ugh...Whatever. And as for the guy, whatever happens happens. All I'm hoping for is that nothing happens at all. I don't want to talk to him anymore because I'm scared that if I keep talking to him, then I'll start liking him. I can't like him. I just can't. But he's so different. I really just want to hug him right now. I have to get back to my paper. I'll write whenever I can remember to write. I can't really breathe through my nose. My throat hurts and I still have to go to school tomorrow. That just pisses me off. I need a break. I need a hug you guys..
xoxo, with all my love
Lan Nguyen