I feel so sad along with the Che's who are suffering right now. There is not much to say accept that we are here. Talk to us and let us listen. CALL ME!!!
SO... I guess let me bitch too about life. I have two close friends that I hang with often and they like a guy that I like too. But they are more obvious about it, not afraid to touch him, lean on him, hug him, and even plan a surprise kiss on him. He doesn't like them because he likes me. We are like secretly trying to get together. But it is like impossible. I don't want to hurt my two friends. We have to secretly go see a movie and then come out like we didn't come in and then come back in to meet the other people. Why do we have to hide like this? It's painful to see the person you like surrounded by other girls. It sucks that we cannot even show the slightest interest in him. Like those movies, the parents also like to get in the way. Right now I'm trying to please my dad, who is like rooting for me to be successfull. He is realistic, he wants me to get a job and have a good life. He told me to not think about boys, get a boyfriend, blah blah. And my siblings are the nosy Asians, they like to ask questions, stare down any friend who comes to my house. Sighs. There are just so many factor, than just say lets be together and run away. I wish that was the case.
As for school, I'm in my 4th year and I don't have a clue what I want to do. My dad is paying for my education and I hate to see him wait and wait for me to get done and do something. I told him I don't know. And I don't know when it will take me to know. I don't want him to wait for me. I can borrow money to pay for my education. He is such a good father, that often time I feel so guilty if I don't try hard enough.
Talking about body image and selfesteem. What you see is not always what it is. I have my own problems. I am not the most fit person. I get tired just walking up to the third floor. And I don't exercise. I'm always wanting to eat. I feel that I can be better. I feel that guys dont ever talk to me unless I talk to them. it is either that they are not interested or they are afraid of me or something. Am I not friendly? lol. gosh. depressing it is. sometimes i just want to run away and travel and be a bum. if only i have the courage to stand up and say loudly that i quit! that i am over it all. this is why i wont have kids. i dont want to bring anymore human beings into this world. i want to tell my parents, why did they have me.. i mean- i dont want to be here. im tired of being the quiet, laidback, good girl, i dont know person. i want to be sure and step up and just beat the hell of things.
2 comments:
dude, stop bring urself down like that. ill run away with you, we can hitch hike on a train then you can beat up any hobos you want. no need to hide the sadness, the anger, the sorrow behind that "image" you put forth for others.
living a life in the shadows with the person you like isn't really that comforting. its like "back off my man!" they need to back off -.-! even if they are your friends, you think they'll be more understand inside throwing themselves at a guy.
your dad is a good person :]. don't worry. you'll be great at whatever you set ur mind into and that'll make him proud. and if you happen to fail trying your hardest, he'll be proud of that too. and and the CHE'S WILL BE PROUD OF U!
you guys shouldn't sneak around because you care about other ppl's feelings. i know, that sounds so freakin harsh. but i think that it's true. if you guys like each other, let the world know. because at the end of the day, if they are your REAL friends, they'll stick around and accept it. and if they don't, you have me and all the che's. ok? =] be happy karly. u're a great person. dammit, we have to meet up. are u available on sundays? lol
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