The Days Without Guys - Year 1 Day 124

Ah Ches', tell me the reason you're not blogging is because you've been lazy, and not cause you don't have these kind of days any longer. -sigh- but I am happy you were able to leave these days behind. LOL

I wonder, those that do read this blog, obviously besides ourselves, have you figured out whose who yet? Well, yeah you won't know EVERYONE, but can you identify with your friend Che? Now I did say something about renovating this place and revealing each of us, but boy have I lied to you. LOL I've either been too busy or too lazy to do anything. And since it's the winter break already, and I still have a long time to go before school starts, I just might do something about that. Will anyone be surprised when the mystery is unraveled?

The first semester of being a fish in the big college world wasn't as stressed as I thought it to be, but it wasn't a breeze either. You'd think, without guys in my life, I'd be aceing my classes, but boy are you in for a surprise. Heck, I didn't fail, but I didn't do so good either. =/ But that's over with and I have a full spring semester to redeem that, which I have to, or else.

Since the break has started, I find my time preoccupied constantly. The hours that I get to sleep seem like a quick nap then I'm back up and about. Going here and there, doing this and that, oh well, it all serves its purpose.

Into the blog, what am I being challenged with these days? Being original. Or am I? ah, do you Che know what's funny? We never exactly comment on each other's blog, when we should've, just as a blog to be, we converse. Oh well, since we never started that trend, no need to cry over spilled milk.

When you're starting something new, is it easy to forget about the past? Or should you ignore it and hope it never comes back to bite you in the ass? I don't know what to think. I mean, it's not my past, but what if it's my future? Sure I have my own "dark" past, but I doubt it's a big matter.

Okay, so none of those paragraphs made much sense, but let me tell you another revelation I just had. For me, I find that I never blog about "real" prospects, only little icky things. LOL I hope you understand my meaning there, otherwise =]. I mean, I could go into gross details, but I think I will save that for when this blog becomes "The Days WITH Guys". Do we all really want that day to come? ah shucks, we'll just have to wait and see, who knows, that could be years down the line, not a tomorrow thing.

I am really pacing myself here. I took Lan's advice to "go with the flow and take it slow(did you say the slow part...argg)" and I think it's a good idea, but Lan, if this fails, you are sooooo getting it. LOL I have to weave my web to catch the bait, and in this case, it's Cuc. lol inside joke, but but, it might be a public joke soon ;]

Oh well, I really have nothing more to say, except I need more sleep than 4 hours, so back to bed for me. My brain is scrambled, not a good thing is it?

Before I end it, I hope you feel better Che Trai Cay =) we all love you and only want the best for you. You're an amazing individual and I believe I'm speaking for all of us when I say I am grateful to have met you and be able to become a friend that you can open to and know that we will always be here for you, no matter what. Anyone that can't see the beautiful you does not deserve to be your friend or otherwise. Don't change for anyone, you adorable cookie you. <3


Ciao!

The Days Without Guys - Year 1 Day 79

So I was sitting here trying to find the "new post" button (and guess what? It's like right there on the screen! I haven't been on Blogger in a while, so I'm not very familiar with the settings) to blog something after reading Juli's (sorry I forgot your Che` name lol) posts. Wow. I think she is the most poetic one out of all of us. And I'm on AIM with two other ches (I don't know their che name either. -_-), but I'm not paying attention to the convo because they're talking about their own stuff. Korean drama madness!

School still sucks. Everyday I find myself counting down to the time where I get to go home and eat and have some leisure time. My dad's in Vietnam right now, so I've been slacking off a bit...a lot. He's coming back on Tuesday! I have a presentation for Religion on Thursday...and I'm not looking forward to that at all. None. Zip. Nada. I suck at presentations.

So the TVB channel is on and a Chinese song is playing, and I looked over and there is this hot looking girl singing. I'm not a lesbian or anything, but she is very pretty...What? It's...It's Linda Chu...I think. Let me google her name. She was in Virtues of Harmony. OHH. Linda Chung.
Yeah. The make up she has on made her look different, in a good way. She looks hot, dude. O_O

Okay, I gave up on the convo with D & S. I'm like completely lost. I've been addicted to Starbucks, dude! That's not good. I thirst for it everyday. I even drink it at 10PM while I'm on the computer chatting with my bff. Crazy? Yes. I couldn't sleep that night until like...friggin 1AM. I wasn't late for class, though. So that's...good, I guess.

So, blah blah blah. Life sucks, school sucks, I still need to register!! Holy cow...I still owe money so I don'tk now if they will let me register or not...UGHH. Can someone lend me $800. hahha.

The Days Without Guys - Year 1 Day 62

Things not only crumble when they fall, they leave a bad image in all of our heads. Little do we know, the image is falling within itself, leaving behind a dark void.

I'm not ready. Ready to give myself up to reality. The world that I've built up for myself is tearing itself apart to save myself. Exactly how do I find what I'm not suppose to look for?

Aimlessly looking and searching for something that will never be mine.

To want is to give up yourself.
To need is to open my heart to all.
To have is to tear my mind to keep.
To give is to take away my everything.
To try is preparing myself for tears.
To risk is to accept the world.
To feel is heartaches.
To cry is to be.
To live is nights of tears.
And to love is the death of myself.

I can't find what I'm not looking for.

But I can't not help but look. For the moment in life I can give it all up. I smile for myself, but I cry for the lost of what could be. I'm trying, struggling, drowning in an oblivion of dark mist.

I can't breath.
I can't accept and be myself.
I can't blink without seeing.
I can't see without the hurt.

For what could have been, not what should have been.

I can't lose myself. I have to fight. I have to know I'm there. I am here.

Accept me or move on. I will not fight a lost fight. I am the fight and you will be the fighter.

Let the games begin.


Ciao!

The Days Without Guys - Year 1 Day 55

KABOOM! look folks, or my lovely Che's, or anyone that even bother to read...-awkward silence-, the point being, I'm blogging! -__-" you'd think since my days have been "guyless", I'd blog every darn day, but see, my anti-depressant is, obviously not blogging, I guess most of you can guess, MOVIE MADNESS!

Okay, I was about to go into details about something that happened months ago, but no, that's in the past, LET IT GO!

I guess being a college student now means I have more room to be "lazy" lol, and i'm sad to say, I take more than full advantage of it, hell, i literally RAPE lazy. Days involve me planning how to get through school and home to do nothing.

PAUSE.

LONGER PAUSE.

The song "It's hard to say goodbye" is stuck in my head. ehh, I have nothing else to say about the song, just that it's so friggin' GOOD!!

How have I been these days? Total slacker. I keep telling myself I will sit down and write my research paper, but have I done so? Nope. That crap aside, I also I want to point out what a leecher I am. For the past month, I've been going to my friend's house and eating there. Or when there are materials at home to cook, I don't even bother, but would just call up my friend and say "I'm coming over k". -___- Horrible.

Lemons will not get you lemonade. It'll get you an eye stinger. When I thought life would be lighter to carry on my shoulders, the pressure builds until I'm down on my knees. Pathetic and sad as it is, this happens to be all my fault. But I hate that I have thoughts of blame. Of putting the blame on others shoulders, yes, the environment that I'm in needs me to be my own motivator, but I can't get in those shoes when all around me are easy and blurry paths. I can just stumble through any and it'll take me to a place, not of my own, but a place of its own. How do I push myself? The future that I see for myself holds nothing but bright lights, expect for the dark patches I see around sharp angles. But that's too far to think into, move on!
The days go by so quickly. I feel like I'm loosing touch with everything around me. My grip on life is slipping away before my eyes.
Funny how when I see what I want, I go after it. But it's never my way that the river flows. I'm constantly struggling through the current to the other end. It's been so long, can anyone imagine me living my days "WITH" a guy? lol. Somehow, I feel like I'm jinxing myself by speaking this aloud. ALWAYSS! One minute I feel as if all is going well, but then the next, oh hell no! =P must I say again, life sucks. Will you hear from me again soon? We can only wistfully hope so.

Ciao!

The Days Without Guys - Year 1 Day 2

Oh, wow. It's been a year already?

So, here I am complaining about school. I'm a college freshman! And I really really really really miss my high school days, now that I'm out of there. It's been 3 days so far, and today was the best one. First day sucked because I was totally new there, and didn't know anyone or anything, and I got confused a lot when it comes to the classrooms. In my one of my classes there is this really cute guy. He's Australian. Heck, he probably doesn't even know who the heo I am. That's usually the case for me when it comes to crushes/cute guys. Sad? Totally!!! Anyway, I barely noticed him today. I heard him on Monday introducing himself (we all had to do it), but didn't care or even bother to look. But today I did! haha. So yeah...crap, I forgot his name. haha. I don't think I even heard it, or maybe I did but I forgot since I'm very forgetful.

Books are freaking expensive. And always buy it like 2 weeks before you start class (especially if you buy it from Amazon). Believe me, I learned that the hard way. =( Ugh.

I think one of my prof. is gay. Seriously. haha.

The other day I had a dream that my older sister did this match making thing for her friend and me. I was so horrified in my dream when I found out that I have to date him, and eventually get marry to him. LOL! He is 28 or 29 years old, and he isn't very goodlooking. I was HORRIFIED. hahah! I think I ran away in my dream, and that's when I woke up. It's more like a nightmare, eh??

The Days Without Guys - Day 365

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY CHES!!!! =]

How ironic is it that the day that I check this blog, it's been exactly one year and 5 minutes since I've started this blog with you guys. Amazing is it not? Though we weren't able to blog every day, the fact that we've all contributed to this blog without the force of blackmail, besides the sad part of us being part of this blog because well, we have no guys. HA!

Funny how since last year, I hope that every day since I've accepted that I'm stuck in a time of no companionship, would bring me one step closer to my closure. But hence that is not the case, I will strive on.

Lots have been going on since my last post, but the brunt of it is, if life doesn't get any better, I don't know whats the point of continuing. Now those may sound like suicidal words, but trust me, they're not. I'm still a virgin, so there's no way I'm dying so soon. Or any time after that, since I'm pretty sure I'm going to turn into a sex addict.

My life is at a new point where I'm all I have. No one is going to be there for me, so I have to stop believing that I can depend on anyone. All the let downs I've had, should've struck me down long ago. But I hope since I'm still standing, it means I'm still doing fine. Please all, give me the support that I ever ask of you. The least I ask for is your friendship.

30 minutes later.

Okay i went off, but now i'm back.

Guys are total douche bags. So I went to this dumb dumb get together the other day. I was having a crappy day, total pmsing, not bothering a single soul, so why are they playing with fire huh? They knew exactly what they were getting into, so why are they acting surprised when they get burned? This is who I am, why do I have to act like some idiot and pretend like everyone is just the awesomest person on earth and kiss their ass? Who the fuck do they think they are? Those that do know me say that it's because they don't know me, so it doesn't matter what they think. And I totally understand that, which is why I don't even bother to explain or defend myself, to anyone. Let them think what they want. Call me mean, angry, emo, a bitch, I could careless. So why am I telling you this? It isn't to make a point that I'm an innocent victim and they're the bad doers, no, I just want you to understand that everyone is different, so don't expect everyone to swing to your music. I am not altering myself nor ask anyone to fix themselves to be with me in any way. Yeah, that's too much to ask for, for you to do nothing. My gawd, what an awful person I must be.

Again, lots to say, but my distress is not your pain. So I'll make this short now. But I hope to hear from everyone else.

Ciao!

The Days Without Guys - Day 364

It's time to go back to the drawing board but this time I really don't know what to draw. Everything that I thought, isn't what it appears to be. All of the talks about fairy tale love stories and happily ever after may seem to great but it's hard to make it come out that way. The rocky roads that everyone bike must face to overcome the obstacles of the trail is really no different from a person journey in life.

Just like my xanga banner say, "i must be a fool," and I really don't doubt it. haha

The Days Without Guys - Day 337

Is it me or is this blog utterly dead? hahah. Well, here comes Maddie to the rescue! Keeping this blog alive, and plus I have nothing else to do. =_=

Stop harassing me for those T-shirt pics! haha. I don't have any. :P

So, does anyone know how to install wireless internet on laptops? I REALLY want to use my laptop with internet on it, and without having to plug in wires and other crap to it. That's not wireless, isn't it? =__=

Oh, and there's this kid at church who always stares at me. How creepy.

I am soo craving this right now. Cajun pasta from Bennigan's.

*Drools*


Graduation practice...*sighs* I miss high school now...


I must agree with Che Trai Cay's comment. Asia 4 is whack. haha. But I think that some of the songs they remix (such as Pretty Woman, Bad Boys Blue Medley) are such great songs!! Of course the original singers of those songs are definitely way better. =]

I start school on August 25th. What about y'all?

The Days Without Guys - Day 326

I'm going to spend this Christmas in Canada!! ^___^

I went to the mall today and didn't buy anything even though my sister insists that she'll buy me something. I DON'T WANT ANYTHING! I'd rather save money to pay for school. hehe.

Anyway, my new Gucci shades. Chyeahh.

Have you heard that song I Wanna Heart Your Heartbeat by Bad Boys Blue? It's this super old song by a band formed in Germany in the 1980s. The song itself is in English, of course. I've been listening to it. It's awesome even though some people might think it's gay or whatever. (The Vietnamese boy band Asia 4 also sang a medley of their songs called Bad Boy Blue Medley in one of the Asia shows.) But hey, its better than rap! Rap is just a bunch of gibberish. That's music? HAH! <_<>

I ♥ old music.

some pictures from Block Island. i stayed there for a couple of days, but it was really nice.

i was afraid he was gonna spit on me. <_<;

that's me! =Dmy friend and i were trying to body surf, but somehow my other friend got a picture of me all alone in the corner of the beach

one of the beaches on the island, it's tricky getting down there, you go down a flight of steep stairs and climb down a steep rocky path, but the waves are rough, so surfing is fun, and there are not many people who goes there

alot of climbing

the stairs!

beach glass

there's more...but im just sharing these for now=)

The Days Without Guys - Day 323

Soo, I've heard that one of us aren't really "without a guy?" haha. traitor!!

just kidding.

I'm "stalking" my cousin's blog now, his Yahoo360. I guess that's like the Myspace or Facebook in Vietnam? Dude, he is so freaking emo. =___=

AHH!! Laptop battery almost out of battery again! Did I not charge it already??!??! Aish...

So, yesterday or something, Banh Xeo and I briefly talked about a future get together for all of us. hehe. It sounds so exciting, and we must make it happen sometimes, ladies!!!! And of course if you haven't heard I am again, "deprived of my own race" at school. Yes, I AM THE ONLY ASIAN again at my school. How sad. *sniffs*

But...that's just for the first year, though. hehe. Because I'm going to transfer to another school where there will be more Asian people. *YAY* Well, the majority is white people, though.

"I need to know I need to know. Tell me baby girl 'cause I need to know. If its true don't leave me all alone out here. Wondering if you're ever going to take me there..."

haha. I LOve that song. It has this....catchy tune to it. ^___^

*Keeping the blog alive*

♥ Che Thai

Yah! sorry guy, due to my lack of vietnamese intelligence i don't know any other che names, i refer to them as "cai do". but i like banh seo, so i hope you don't mind =D
so i went to the beach today, it was an hr drive, and about 25 minutes to the beach when we got to the island. i drove on the highway less than 20 times, and i hate driving. i didn't know the way so i was tailgating my friend and we were weaving in and out of trafic, it was fun...like that game frogger. the beach was nice, the waves were rough and the current was strong. just standing there, i got knocked over so many time. when the 5' waves knock you over and slamming you against the sand, it burns, but well worth it =D than my bikini had to slip and exposed my left side. -____-; listen to the song, "i'm good, i'm gone"by lykki li. i like her style. my favorite song from her is call "little bit". so my i've been cell phoneless for 2 weeks now. i feel...empty. i don't have to constanstly check for text messages and missed calls anymore...and i miss that. and i also miss how my cell would brighten up when i get a call. dam techonology.

The Days Without Guys - Day 320

I think I've told Che Trai Cay about this on IM the other day. It's about this guy I randomly met 2 summers ago. He was so cute! Too bad he's just a bit short for a guy. I think that I have faint memories of this guy is because he winked at me (not in a weird, psycho perverted way but in a playful & cute kind of way), and I remember I was getting red like a tomato. haha. Other than that, I really don't remember how his face looks like.

The jerk has a really nice house! I'm looking at his brother's car pics taken at his house. lol. Stalker? I don't think so! I'm his brother's "friend" on Facebook even though the last time we (his brother and I) talked was ages ago. And yes, there are a few pictures of him that I can totally "steal" and show to the Ches since none of you knows how he looks like, besides Bobbie but she has short term memory, so I'm sure she doesn't remember how he looks like sinceI showed that picture to her like...3 years ago!...but I would never do that. =D because it's too stalker-ish. And plus who'd want to see his ugly...nevermind.

Moving on!

Does any of the Ches read magazines such as ELLE, CosmoGirl!, Seventeen, TeenVogue, etc? I do. haha. I used to subscribed to TeenVogue and CosmoGirl! but quit since...you don't have to know. =D Anyway, I buy them individually now instead of a subscription thing for a whole year. Andddd...the newest issue features Blake Lively - that girl from Gossip Girl. Uh, I think her name is Serena or something in the show.




The clothes, jewelries, bags, shoes, etc. in this magazine is A LOT cheaper and more affordable in this magazine and CosmoGirl! than from ELLE, as from what I've noticed and the styles from ELLE aren't what people would wear everyday. It's too...fashionable?

Yeah, I got that issue of ELLE too. I was bored to death at home, so it's just something to keep me entertained. =]



Yeah, this entry is boring. haha. Just about girly magazines that I read. o_O

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

The Days Without Guys - Day 316

Che Xinh Xa, I wish there was a book, a pill or something that can guide us, but so far it is only ourselves. Yup. The secret of life as I learned it, is not a secret, is nothing really, because it is everything and can be anything and nothing as well. Confusing, is also what it is, but it is also not when you think about it. Haha ok, I'll stop my religious teaching lol. Seduce them with your heart!

Welcome to the blog, Che Thai. It is nice to have new members, new friends, new post mate, it keeps the spirit alive. No we are not some cult. Silly. I'm just wondering to why you have so many drafts? Lol. I read them, they seem to be good starts to interesting things you are writing. Maybe one day it will be published so we all can read in? Nuuu don't delete it... don't burn it. HAHA.

Lan, you are changing right before my eyes. Looking even better than ever. I wish I can be as inspiring to look great. Food got the best of me. Plus I figure who do I need to impress? No one, but myself and I am pretty happy eating those fries, cheesecake, buffets are nice, rice and soysauce, seafood, and the list goes on. OH my mouth is watering... I'll stop here? Well. you are of those who are blesss, yes bless with a great warming smile. (I need to force mine... so much pressure).

Che Trai Cay, I've been eating a lot of fruits lately and yeah I think of you. You know trai cay = fruits, yeah. Hehe. Well, what about that romantic love story of yours? Where is frog prince? Go chase after him, don't let him jump by you. If anyone is is gifted with the utter most cuteness, it is you. Plus you got a great disguise, the innocentness as well. MY GOD if only they know how evel youu are muhahah. I joke, i kid, im sorry if i offend.hahaha

Che Ba Mau, you are truely dimensional and talented and multicolored. Hehe. Where have you been? We all miss you oh so dearly. You are like the rainbow, hard to catch. Come back to us and post up something that comes from the heart, show us the way of greatness. Your wise words and more....

And to myself, Che Xanh.. to be continue MUHAHAHAHAH

Day 315

I'm reading a fanfic on Soompi right now. It's pretty cute, starring Taebin. Oh, my love, my darling...LOL. Sorry, random. I heard that song earlier today. O.o

Comment on Che Xinh Xa's post. <___< Yes, I've never been "chickened" before. See, see now you make me feel like I'm...I don't know...weird? ahha. Anywho, so were you talking about a new guy? Or that black guy? I'm soo behind here, ba gia.

My family is watching the new Paris By Night now, the Nhac Yeu Cau one. It's super loud. How annoying. The comedy is on. LOL. It's funny. They're all laughing their azz off. I went to the park today! It was such a beautiful day, until lunchtime hits and it's hot like hell again. Texas weather...*sighs

Clear blue sky...

Dude, I never have any err..."luck" with guys. Like, even just a good friend to be there on crappy days, you know? Sure, I had guy friends but not the type where I can tell him things. All they talk about are games, guy things, or how hot this one girl is, etc. All of the guys I've ever liked are always that he's taken, doesn't like me, only sees me as a friend, or doesn't know I even exist. haha. I think this guy (an acquaintance) probably thinks that I'm a lesbian because I never dated or whatever, he didn't ask it directly but uh...yeah, I can totally tell he was referring to my status or whatever. haha.

Are you Che's afraid of dying alone or never ever getting married? I'm not. I mean, to me, the thought of becoming a mother scares me. You have to carry it for 9 months, give birth, take care of it, and what if that baby boy/girl grows up and become bad? What if he/she rebels you? Geez, that's the last thing on earth I want to deal with. And plus after having children, our boobs will sag and there will be that big ol' roll of fat on our stomach. There is always surgery to beautify that, but in the long run, its not good for your body to have plastic surgeries. I might sound selfish here, but I don't want a family. I don't want that kind of responsibility. And I've had that thought since...years ago. haha. Yeah, I planned out my life wayyy ahead.

Years ago, I was thinking of becoming a nun. Well, that won't happen anymore because I'll never be ready to give up like that. I'm selfish. I have dreams and goals I want to achieve during this lifetime, one of them is being able to see the world/to travel, and seeing every single fascinating place on earth.

One thing I've always wanted to do is watch the sunset with my future, currently non-existant significant other. I've seen it by myself before, but I'm sure its different.

Okay, toodles now!!

The Days Without Guys - Day 315

Hell, only 60 more days till it'll be a full year. I hope we all can do a blog on that day, kind of like a celebration of this, though a number of us aren't experiencing days without guys any longer. No faux pas, but hopefully those that were able to escape these days will never have to return.

A brief interlude of life from me.

Why. Who here haven't been chickened aka kissed? With the exception of Che Thai, I'm sure we all have huh?

The more I read this thread on soompi of "first makeout sessions", it's making me more and MORE depressed. I haven't been chicken in years! Ahhh the agony.

Besides my painful desires that have yet to be fulfilled, I want everyone to know, YES I AM A CHICKEN. I am seriously an idiot. A stupid fat little idiotic chicken. I all talk but when it comes to walk the walk, where am i? Chickening out. Oh yeah. How pathetic.

Let me ask you Ches, those that ever come here and read. How do I do it? How do I have the courage to approach him? I thought I could. Everyone else thought I could. But when push came to shove, I just threw myself into a fetal position and let by gones GO BY!!! All I had to do was walk up to him and place my order and ask for his number. But no, I didn't have to guts to do so and wasted 2 hours just sitting there, staring at him. HUHUHU. I mean, how can you just walk up to a guy and start something? What if he isn't interested and I end up being a loser? Well technicially, I am one, for sitting here and whining about this. But But. I just can't do it. I don't have the confidence in me. I just don't.

STOP READING NOW. THE REST ARE JUST PLAIN IDIOTIC WORDS TO MYSELF.

"YOU IDIOT. YOU STINKING IDIOT. WHERE ARE YOUR BALLS. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT BRAVO? YOU MAKE ME SICK. BE A WOMAN AND GO GET THAT MAN. OR MOVE ON!"

-ahem-

So after a day has passed, I am here, regretting my chickenshit. For not approaching him. I mean, rejection is a really really hard thing to accept. It kills more than 90% of chances of people ever finding true love or hell, GETTING LAID.

So I've made up my mind AGAIN to go ask him for his number this coming Saturday. That means 6 days of talking myself into approaching him and what to say, only to have it dashed away 100 yards away from approaching him. The devil it be.

OH GREAT OL' Ches. Help your fellowship. Teach me your excellent ways. Or if you have those seduction pills or anything, I'm game. ^_^

Day 310 Wears on

LOL just wanted to comment on Che Thai's first officially rad post.

CONGRATS you wonderful beauty you!! ^_^ LOL i hope he ends up rotting on some really sad highway.

College eh? Me and you in the same boat here, man it's going to be crazy. But I can't wait. Just wish you could have gone to school with me. UT all the way!! Well not really, but I hope it'll grow on me, lol, kind of had that long overdue grudge against it too. You know, how asian parents going on and on about their kids getting into certain schools(UT) that made detest UT so bad since I was young. But beggars can't be choosers. HA!!!!

Well now, I gotta be off to bed, since there will be more work the upcoming days, total SHIT!

My problems and life will have to be on hold for now, so no detailed blogs from this loser any time soon. hehe.

Ciao!

The Days Without Guys - Day 310

Hello to all Ches. Wow, I finally joined this thing. DUDE!! I saw this blog before!!! I kinda skim through it but didn't know who it belonged to. LOL. I used to have an account but forgot about it over the years. Yes, I've also been reading the first few entries that the Ches wrote. I think I stop at Day 18 or so. It's such a hassel, though having to keep clicking "older posts" for like 399 times before I get to those older pages. It's pretty awesome blogging, it made me laugh here and there. ^_^ So, it is now 6:30 AM Central time. What am I doing up so early on a fine Tuesday summer day? I don't know, really. I was sleeping fine until I feel sweaty & just woke up. I lay there on bed for about 15 minutes and couldn't go back to sleep! I'm going to make breakfast for my mom at about 7:30. Hehehe...=]

So, my current obsession is soccer!! OMG. All those hot guys and I barely discovered it?! Geez. Alright, fine. Not all of the guys are hotties. Just a few, such as: Cesc Fabregas, David Villa, and Fernando Torres. All from the Spain national team. And yes, I've been watching the EURO 2008 from beginning to end. It's a good sport. =] At least I can understand it more than football even though my sister tried to explain it to me a dozen times. I'll upload a few pics at the end of this entry.

We're all still single, correct? To Che Xinh Xa: Remember the jerk I always talk about? Yes, the jerk. Well, I'm happy to say that I completely forgot about him! Finally, I'm free! lol. Aren't you so proud of me now?

I haven't been doing much this summer so I feel fat now. I still fit into my 0-3 size jeans *its all different sizes for different brands, apparently. O.o*, but I feel utterly fat in it. Only around the thigh/butt area. I think I inherit that from my mommy. -_- I'm watching VH1 now, and a video of Madonna is playing - Give It To Me. Heh, I'm never a fan of her.

As for school, I'm going to TWU this fall. It's a small & private university, population: about 2,000 or so. Again, there are NO Asian people at this campus. There are Asians at the Law School campus, but I don't think there are any undergrads. Pfffttt. There's a lot of Asians at that other school that I'm going to transfer to, and rich white people too. haha. It's also private, but costs A LOTTT more. Yeah, those kids are bad ass. But the school has a super good reputation, and you know Asian parents, always bragging about how insanely smart & a good girl/boy their child is when in reality they're some crackhead or slut. ahha. Okay, anyways. You know it's so true!!! =D Back to about me - all of the Viet parents of the kids that go to/graduated from that good school brag to other parents about it - my parents. haha. I hate it when they do that. Comparing their kids. Sheesh. Go gives a damn!? I don't. =D

OH yeah! My major is Chemistry. Whoo-hoo. One day I'm going to rule the world & become some kind of mad evil scientist. muahahah. LOL jk. Umm, I'm going to become an Anesthesiologist. Chyeah. =]

My dad asked me if I wanted to go to Vietnam this summer. UH...I don't know, or care, really. I'd rather go somewhere else than Vietnam. But you see, my grandmother is dying, so my parents want to come back to see her before she passes away. She's the only person I like. The rest are just a bunch of morons. Ain't worth my time and money seeing their faces.

Okay, okay I'll stop blabbing now. Picture time. ^_______^

OH YEAH. SPAIN WON!! OMG!!! haha. Fernando Torres made the goal. I followed the whole game from beginning to end. It was freaking awesome. I can't wait until FIFA in 2 years.

LOL. The look Sergio Ramos's face *guy in white T-shirt* made me laugh. But, that looks unsafe, though. O.o The hot guy? 2nd from bottom right corner - with his sleeves rolled up. Cesc Fabregas, # 10. ^_^ My fave: Left. David Villa # 10. He's short! But he's married to some ugly chick. Pffttt. His little girl is adorable, though:



Holy cow...I'd totally die if I was there. -___- Why? Because I'm totally claustrophobic. haha. Yeah, I figured that out last year when I started to feel panic-y & feel like its hard to breathe when there's a lot of people around me.


I'm editing this thing and it's insanely long! O_o

The Days Without Guys - Day 306

its almost a year since this blog was started! and summer is in the process! what have you guys being doing this summer, beside sitting at home and getting fat? -.- although that is a pleasure of life, well not when u have to go buy new pants size since you "outgrew" them. iyah. haha. since since i have to tone down for the body shot to give to the other che's to make a t shirt with everyone in it. haha. yay! i get to wear hot pictures the che's around. surely, that will attract the guys! not to me tho but they'll be asking for the numbers of everyone else ^___^

The Days Without Guys - Day 292

GAWD!!!! These days are so crappy.

Started this post 2 hours ago, now too sleepy to finish. LOL. But I'll try to tomorrow. Have lots of stuff to say to you folks...or no one in particular.

Ciao!

The Days Without Guys - Day 220

What now you guys? Seriously..WHAT now? Let me start off to tell you guys what I did all week.
Monday - Research Paper. Work.
Tuesday - Research Paper. Prepare for International Food Day.
Wednesday - Test. Study for Physics Test.
Thursday - Stayed Home. Research Paper.
Friday - Nothing in school. Went on the swings with my friend for a little bit. And while everybody went to watch the biggest volleyball game of the season, I had to go to work.
Saturday - Jogged. Late for work. Went to post office. Then, to Center City. AND then to South St. Pretty long day.

As you guys can see..I have no time for my friends or ANYBODY. I only have Sundays, but that's family day. And I just miss hanging out and being a teenager. It's ok. I know what I'm doing is going to help me a lot when I'm out there in the real world. But right now..I just want a break. I really do. And I think I'm gaining weight..=[ Even though I work out everyday. Jog all the time. I still feel fat and out of shape. I'm sorry for venting. But my friends don't want to hear it anymore and I don't know who else to say it to. I can't keep holding it in. I've had many times where I've wanted to throw up. But I know that if I do it, I'll get addicted and then I'll keep doing it. And I seriously do not want that. I know how to control myself but those thoughts are always in the back of my head. I wished that I loved myself a little more. I wished that I could look in the mirror and say..."hey, I look pretty today." and really mean it. I hate looking at myself directly in the mirror. I just look at my stomach..ALL the time to see how fat I've gotten. And lately, it has been getting pretty bad. Although people are telling me otherwise. I still think how I do. My best friend does not know how beautiful she is and she always compliments me when she's the one that's getting all the guys. It's kind of weird. But yeah. I sometimes wished that I wasn't so boring at first. I just hate showing and putting myself out there when I first meet somebody because I'm so insecure that they won't like me. Ok. Enough about me. As for you guys, I really do hope you all get better. I know we'll all get through the crap that we're going through. We've done it before. Smile. :]

The Days Without Guys - Day 218

I feel so sad along with the Che's who are suffering right now. There is not much to say accept that we are here. Talk to us and let us listen. CALL ME!!!

SO... I guess let me bitch too about life. I have two close friends that I hang with often and they like a guy that I like too. But they are more obvious about it, not afraid to touch him, lean on him, hug him, and even plan a surprise kiss on him. He doesn't like them because he likes me. We are like secretly trying to get together. But it is like impossible. I don't want to hurt my two friends. We have to secretly go see a movie and then come out like we didn't come in and then come back in to meet the other people. Why do we have to hide like this? It's painful to see the person you like surrounded by other girls. It sucks that we cannot even show the slightest interest in him. Like those movies, the parents also like to get in the way. Right now I'm trying to please my dad, who is like rooting for me to be successfull. He is realistic, he wants me to get a job and have a good life. He told me to not think about boys, get a boyfriend, blah blah. And my siblings are the nosy Asians, they like to ask questions, stare down any friend who comes to my house. Sighs. There are just so many factor, than just say lets be together and run away. I wish that was the case.

As for school, I'm in my 4th year and I don't have a clue what I want to do. My dad is paying for my education and I hate to see him wait and wait for me to get done and do something. I told him I don't know. And I don't know when it will take me to know. I don't want him to wait for me. I can borrow money to pay for my education. He is such a good father, that often time I feel so guilty if I don't try hard enough.

Talking about body image and selfesteem. What you see is not always what it is. I have my own problems. I am not the most fit person. I get tired just walking up to the third floor. And I don't exercise. I'm always wanting to eat. I feel that I can be better. I feel that guys dont ever talk to me unless I talk to them. it is either that they are not interested or they are afraid of me or something. Am I not friendly? lol. gosh. depressing it is. sometimes i just want to run away and travel and be a bum. if only i have the courage to stand up and say loudly that i quit! that i am over it all. this is why i wont have kids. i dont want to bring anymore human beings into this world. i want to tell my parents, why did they have me.. i mean- i dont want to be here. im tired of being the quiet, laidback, good girl, i dont know person. i want to be sure and step up and just beat the hell of things.

The Days Without Guys - Day 217

i think i finally got the hang of this numbering system partly cause i just count the days after che xinh xa's last post. haha =D

However, its back to posting about life for all of us. The portal to our life is starting to unfold as the countdown to graduation gets near. Sometimes, I just want to close that portal up and live in denial that we will be on our own soon. No more parents to call at work to buy milk because there's no more in the fridge. Everything will be on our shoulders. If you have weak shoulders, your going to collapse. If you have strong shoulders, how long will it take for you to collapse?

Life really hasn't taken me anywhere and as I sit and wonder why? The thought bounces back to as to, what I have even done for the river to flow my way? Absolutely nothing. I'm like that person who really tries hard to smile, be all bouncy, and cheery for those around me because if im sad its like the end of the world to some that knows me in person. My friend, once told me, well not once more since it like yesterday haha, that the last thing he wanted to see was me sad since i'm "happy little [che trai cay]." Is that what i really want people to see me as? I really don't openly tell people that i am sad nor want them to get involved with it. Since, honestly I get over things very quickly even if it kills me at that moment but what else can i do but move on? I'm not going to sit at home for like the rest of my life pondering on what went wrong. I try my best NOT to think of the worse things in life, keep my hopes up. But why doesn't it stay that way? I wake up. I trust. I given it my all. But in the end I'll be the one sitting alone in the dark trying to hold the tears back since all i wanted was to do well at life and in school I want to be accepted for being myself; naturally not so smart person but i try really hard in school, have no musical or athlete drive in me, and contain absolutely nothing "special." If people don't like it then too bad. I'll take my army against theirs. Yeah, thats right. GO DIE. haha. They say being yourself is much better than trying to be what others want you to be, but what about all of those who changes to something their not, into a totally jerkish because they didn't want to be alone. They rather give up themselves to have fake friends who would ditch them for free pizza. Well, not to that extreme but pretty close. haha.

The Ugly Best Friend

I hate how I'm the ugly best friend. Guys always want my best friend but she doesn't realize it and she always compliments me and whatnot. I wished that she wasn't though. It pisses me off that guys only talk to me when she's not around. I'm like the GO TO girl. AKA, the REBOUND. I'm so fucking tired of it.

EVERYTHING IS ON MY SHOULDERS

I have so much to do nowadays. I feel sad. Sometimes, I feel lonely. For example, today while walking down the hallway, I felt a sense of loneliness. I felt as if I needed somebody there to just hold me. And it kills me that I'm always wanting something that I can't have and I shouldn't even long for. I have a research paper due on Thursday. It's a lot to do. I have an internship to worry about. And I have to keep up my daily routine of working out. I hardly sleep anymore. And I think that is why I'm sick. I am falling behind SO much in all of my classes. I need to get away from everything for a moment. But it's hard to escape anything when everything is right in front of your face. Right now, I wished that I had somebody here to talk to me. A companion if you will. Just a person that will just listen. The person that I might be longing for doesn't even know that there might be a chance of me wanting him. As of now, I try not to think much about it. He's the most sweetest and most innocent thing I have ever met. The things that are keeping me away from him is that he's one of my friend's (aquaintence's ex). I don't care if I'm not close to her. It's still wrong. Another reason is that he is a year younger than me. A lot of girls probably chase him around all the time. And it pisses me off that I cannot long for him when all I want is to have him. Although this just might be an infatuated feeling. I'm not sure what to think anymore. I'm too busy for this crap talk. But then again, I feel as if I need to talk to him. He's thinking about somebody and it's not me. I have realized how annoying and unlikeable I am at times. I talk a lot and I'm too sarcastic. I think people get annoyed by that. And I'm too insecure. When I'm insecure, people take it as if I'm digging for compliments. Just to clarify things..I AM NOT DIGGING FOR COMPLIMENTS. I really feel insecure about myself. It pisses me off when people think that I'm starving myself because I lost weight. It pisses me off that they think I took the easy way out to become fit. I did not. And I refuse to. I love food too much. I work out every morning. So, yeah. This girl in my school angered me so badly the other day when she told me that I look like I need to eat. People act like I'm a fucking stick. I AM NOT! I have meat on me. Ugh...Whatever. And as for the guy, whatever happens happens. All I'm hoping for is that nothing happens at all. I don't want to talk to him anymore because I'm scared that if I keep talking to him, then I'll start liking him. I can't like him. I just can't. But he's so different. I really just want to hug him right now. I have to get back to my paper. I'll write whenever I can remember to write. I can't really breathe through my nose. My throat hurts and I still have to go to school tomorrow. That just pisses me off. I need a break. I need a hug you guys..
xoxo, with all my love
Lan Nguyen

The Days Without Guys - Day 215

Do you know how I keep building this dream world, where nothing can ever go wrong. Living in a fantasy world that never leaves me in tears or pain that can't be whipped away. I hate myself for living this way, but old habits are hard to cure. I'm always putting myself in a spot of vulnerability, and that scares me that I can easily be concoered into trusting. Only every now and then do I not feel the stab, but that's because my coat of arms for such pain is hard to penetrate through.

When a person has been hurt repeatedly, how do you stop from being a fool? Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. I hate myself for thinking that I can change the situation. That if I ignore it, it'll go away. But no. All that's left is just an ache in my heart and tears on my cheeks.

Do you not have any idea what you're putting me through? How do you just go on about and do as you please without a regard to my feelings? We weren't suppose to end up this way. But I tolerated too much from you, and now it's left me in ruins. Couldn't you at least spare me the decency to acknowledge my stupidity? No, you leave me wounded and alone. Till the tears dry up and I'm once again easy to trick into your absolute deed of breaking my soul.

I hate how you think you can just walk away.
I hate how you can't pretend to at least care.
I hate how you chose a path that isn't safe.
I hate how you neglected to see that there are others out there for you.
I hate how you belittle yourself to make me feel guilty.
I hate the guilt you make me feel, when it isn't my fault.
I hate how you can't see that you're the one that's causing pain.
I hate how you can't imagine your life without him.
I hate how you have to depend on so much to survive.
I hate having to care about you.
I hate having to go through this every day.
I hate how I can't live without you.
I hate you for being what you think you are.
I hate you for not living your life.
I hate you for making excuses to ease your guilt.
I hate you for causing anyone thought and heart.
I hate you for not being there when I needed you.
I hate how I need you.
I hate how you chose him over me.
I hate you for making me cry.
And I hate myself for crying at all.

Words can't express the haze that's blinding me. The pressure I put on myself to control the blooming anger. It's suffocating me. It's making my head ache and my eyes red. I wish you'd go away so I can put it all behind me, like every other mistake of my life.

The Days Without Guys - Day 204

I paused my marathon reading to post this blog.

To speculate about a race out there, that seem to think they're above all. Back when I didn't know better, I thought there were only 3 kinds of people out there, the white, the colored, and my kind. I never once fathomed the prejudice that circulates the air so thickly constant. But, now, I can see just how niave I was. To believe that we can truly all live in the same society. How cynical that sounds. But how can any of us ever amount to much when dated back thousands of years ago, the white men deemed us the inferiors? And, being the fool we all are, instead of fighting off the prejudice of one man about all, we followed his lead and fought against each other for the man that will betray us without a sweat. Unbelievably, we've been duped for so long, no one has much left in them to fight. And those that have just been exposed to this tragic, fight so diligently, that no one would notice how, in the end, it is the white man that controls the final verdict and decreed our useless arms flaying is just a little kid's tantrum for not being the center of the attention.

Why do we allow the white man to label us and rule us? Yes, I understand that though there are activists out there that are fighting for what's its worth, but instead of fighting their own battles, why do we not band together and fight the evil with a greater force than mere sticks and pebbles? We were all told that the others were the ones that didn't earned our respect, but how can we believe this, coming from a man that doesn't see further than the whites of our eyes? We're like little plastic soldiers, strategically placed on spots that the man valued we deserved to roam, and every time we desire to cross the barrier that set us apart from him, he denies us with the words of "That is the place your kind deserves", because we'll never be anything in his eyes other than his tools of power.

And to no vial, our violent struggle to free our legs from the platform goes unheard but just viewed as childish tantrums that can be summarized as lack of morality because we've been stripped of all our dignity by force. And I applaud the white man for his genius work. For instead of minding our tactics of speaking, he appeals to the emotions that we feel. He tells us that we're better than others. That we can rise, we just need to keep the others at bay, and he will help us. He will provide the tool to raise us. But in order for us to be granted his benevolence help, we have to commit our dedication to appeasing his needs and desires. To offer someone help with no credit to back him up, no one's the wiser than the man for we were too grateful to doubt any of his words, and so we throw ourselves to keep the man happy for showing us the opportunity that we worked hard for but wasn't born to reach out and grab what was tied too high above our heads.

My rants may seem as plain words that make no sense, but just think, how ironic it is that my words will go unheard today. Because we're constantly being repressed into a box that we were stuffed into without our consent. But, more the fool is us when we throw our freedom out the door when we bargained our souls to the devil by ignoring the signs of a world filled with hatred of anything that is fair and light. So why can't everyone open their eyes and see the huge mistake by digging their own graves when their lack of "morality" is just giving the white man another push to obstruct our peace? Maybe we love being blind, so that'll lessen our responsibilities so we can spend our time bawling like babies over the lack of toys we're not able to gain by being an under-achiever. The possibilities are plenty, but then again, being true to our nature, who will even care to look deep into any corner for the cure to the inequality of life?

Ah. This post today is so weird. I feel like I have much more to say, but my metaphorical mind is dead for the night. So back to my marathon, that is, until the crawfish is done brewing. LOL.


Ciao!

The Days Without Guys - Day 200

Ah. hahha, by accident, I've come across today, as being the 200 days! wow. soon, it would be a total year, in 165 days.

Besides that, Easter is today too right? Or so everyone keeps saying. A 3-day weekend, and I haven't finished 1 zinc of hw. Why is that? Because, I've hit rock bottom, and also getting a big head. I'm slacking because school is almost ending, and so much "fun" stuff is happening soon, I don't have time to ponder over hw, but want to do other things, like sit around all day.

The major thing that is preoccupying my thoughts is scholarships. I was just notified that I won one, for $10,000. Hooray! lol, now I just gotta keep above a 2.5 to keep that money for the next few years. I hope I keep winning more scholarships, it'll show that hard work does pay off.

-sign- I hate having to do my work at the last minute, but it seems I'll have to stay up late tonight and finish my essay. Ew.

Funny how though my days without guys aren't so terrible, what with other prospect, money, to preoccupy my thoughts. Well, occasionally that is. Because I'm still upset over the fact that I'm thinking WAY too much about the fact that I'm still single. Ey.

My parents are coming home soon, in so many days. Kind of looking forward to it, except for the yelling part. Those days are dreadful, but they gotta come anyway, it'll help build my character. lol.

And yes, school is tomorrow and everything is going to go down the drain.

It's annoying how everyone, in their own ways, is getting what they deserve. Or, what I'm trying to say is, they have at least some kind of pleasure out there. And, I want what they have. Having to be so exhaust in trying to find my own happiness, I find that very spiteful.

But be as it may, everyone keeps telling me it'll get better once I'm in college. Well, if it doesn't by then, there will definitely hell to pay!

Don't ever believe that your senior year in highschool will ever be easy and a thrill ride. There is a ride, but it's one damn bumpy ride filled with rocks and dark tunnels. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!


Ciao!

The Days Without Guys - Day 189

Wow, its been nearly 200 days since the Ches have been without guys in their lifes. That is, its been that way for me, not sure about the other very attractive Ches though. Heck, they could all be married and with 8 kids for all I know! But besides the point.

My sisters are all happy. Living in bliss. I'm the only one lonely and pathetically dead inside. My days are filled with plain plainness. O_o Yeah. That means no prospect or even the slightest sniff of a man anywhere within 100 yards of me. Ah the bitterness. But what can I do? Nothing, because everyone seems to think that when the destiny comes, it'll come, and I can't rush it.

The other day I went to my second time of my first time at a rodeo. I had a real blast, the cow boys were hot and the air stunky. haaha, also saw Natasha Bedingfield. But I only stayed for half of her show, since it was already late and I was tired, so me and my friends went home.

PAUSE! OMG, my writing is so nasty! OMG, what the fudge!!!! O_O it doesn't even make sense anymore, well, it never did, but I seriously can't say anything!

(SIGH)

So, I re-dyed my hair. It's now apricot tea. Kind of like my old auburn hair, buta little more orange red. Not sure how i feel about it. But everyone says they like my old black hair more. I'm like O_O yea.

I keep saying I'm going to start wearing eye linear, but the thought of having to risk poking my eye out and then having to wipe it...ARGH. so no. hahaha, I will eventually. Also, my circle contacts finally came. My prom dress still hasn't though. Both transaction has not gone the way I wanted it to, but all this bitchin'? eh.

What more, it's my spring break, but I have no plans or anything. That sucks. So I'll just sit here and wait till my prince comes and sweeps me off my feet. Anyone know if there's anything playing good these days in the theater?

Ciao!

The Days Without Guys - Day 176

i think i should give up on humans in general. why do we always try and blame other people to get ourselves out of troubles? its just in our nature to take the easy way out of things but sometimes it hurts.

i don't know anymore. haha. i tried really hard to trust people and then it comes crashing down at my face. *sigh*

guys blah!

The Days Without Guys - Day 162.....

So Valentine's Day once again. Haha Che Xinh Xa said she hopes all those enjoy the day with love ones would choke on chocolate. It is kinda cruel but considering that we sit here and rot ourselves to death. Sad. Why! lol. I tell you why, life is always unfair. I say you guys should be happy with what you have seriously....OR I will come and take it away from you muahahhahaha. ok. enough about this.

So today I went to my class and uh it was blah. All lecture about nothing. I didn't learn crap. Well maybe I'm exagerrating but I think I learned a bit, just a bit only. I was dressing in mostly red... my favorite color, hoping it will bring me some luck. No I'm not supertitious, I'm just desperate. :( HAHA. So the guy next to me, I flirted with him a bit. I was like so you're gonna be a hard grader? (We are all going to be teachers and we were making a fake grade book thingy for our assigments. He seemed to know what was going on. He came in late but was able to catch up quickly. We were working with spreadsheets, yeah like excell. It is so my worse enemy, I hate it. Anyway so I think I should get to know him so he can help me in the future. BUT usually he sits so far on the other side of the room. It was just today that he came in late and so he sat next to me. GOSH. He isn't hot hot but he is ok. We do have a group project in the future and I hope we get pair up. I think he is kind of the shy type. I think. He was like answering me like .." Well.. I... " Yeah that's it. And I quickly turned out and do my usual "hhehe" remark. fake laugh as you might call it.

So I have an exam tomorrow that I need to REALLY study for, and I am tomorrow. Yeah I have two breaks before the class. So I can manage some study times. Also tomorrow I get to see the smiling guy. You know. But lately he havent looked at me. I noticed that seldomly he does and then looked away. I swear that day I wonder if there was something horrible on my face lol. Just kidding. But I did manage to talk to him. He got jokes... and so do I. I think it is going well. You know I know connect for the purpose of class, grades, and so on. It seems like so much using. But seriously this world is about exploitation, which was how America was founded. (Here I go again with my history). Well.

The Days Without Guys - Day 146

I think for Che Trai Cay, she is not without guys. hehe

Well today I went to return a book at the school bookstore. It wasnt the right book that they pointed me at. In fact the book I need is not yet to come. Maybe the end of this week. It is rather annoying so I actually let the dude at the desk my thoughts. Basically he said it is not up to him or the school to decide to order the full amount as the professor asked or that they price things accordingly. But that it is based on supply and demand. Bull. Haha I was like is there a place I can fill a complain and I saw some shockness in him. I guess he never thought anyone would actually do it. I wasn't knowing that it won't do much. He said maybe you should petition it to the state. haha yeah. whatever. sighs i just have to go else where to get my book.

It has been so long since I wrote something. The thing beside laziness is that I dont want to be having to do this as some sort of a task but rather something that i want to and feel like i want that way it sounds better and not like im force to write and so it sounds not right. not sure if u dont understand or not but yea. speaking of laziness haha che ba mau is on the blacklist. i understand the reasons still i just want things to go smoothly for once? i guess i should not expect anything.

you know being in class makes well not class but in this computer lab makes me feel kinda sad? why you ask maybe because i miss kfed haha. i told him that i hope to not see him anymore that class meaning that we should both pass the class and not repeat. yet when i said it it came out to be so ... painful haha. no dont jump into conclusion. it is nothing more than the natural emotions of a human being and how we are tie to people when we spend much time with them that we dont want to leave. but u noe separation is hard to not come to. wow i wrote so much. im not gonna do any proof reading i think i will have lots of mistake in my writing but i believe that you are capable of understand what i see in term of basic meaning even if i do make mistakes ****