Day 315

I'm reading a fanfic on Soompi right now. It's pretty cute, starring Taebin. Oh, my love, my darling...LOL. Sorry, random. I heard that song earlier today. O.o

Comment on Che Xinh Xa's post. <___< Yes, I've never been "chickened" before. See, see now you make me feel like I'm...I don't know...weird? ahha. Anywho, so were you talking about a new guy? Or that black guy? I'm soo behind here, ba gia.

My family is watching the new Paris By Night now, the Nhac Yeu Cau one. It's super loud. How annoying. The comedy is on. LOL. It's funny. They're all laughing their azz off. I went to the park today! It was such a beautiful day, until lunchtime hits and it's hot like hell again. Texas weather...*sighs

Clear blue sky...

Dude, I never have any err..."luck" with guys. Like, even just a good friend to be there on crappy days, you know? Sure, I had guy friends but not the type where I can tell him things. All they talk about are games, guy things, or how hot this one girl is, etc. All of the guys I've ever liked are always that he's taken, doesn't like me, only sees me as a friend, or doesn't know I even exist. haha. I think this guy (an acquaintance) probably thinks that I'm a lesbian because I never dated or whatever, he didn't ask it directly but uh...yeah, I can totally tell he was referring to my status or whatever. haha.

Are you Che's afraid of dying alone or never ever getting married? I'm not. I mean, to me, the thought of becoming a mother scares me. You have to carry it for 9 months, give birth, take care of it, and what if that baby boy/girl grows up and become bad? What if he/she rebels you? Geez, that's the last thing on earth I want to deal with. And plus after having children, our boobs will sag and there will be that big ol' roll of fat on our stomach. There is always surgery to beautify that, but in the long run, its not good for your body to have plastic surgeries. I might sound selfish here, but I don't want a family. I don't want that kind of responsibility. And I've had that thought since...years ago. haha. Yeah, I planned out my life wayyy ahead.

Years ago, I was thinking of becoming a nun. Well, that won't happen anymore because I'll never be ready to give up like that. I'm selfish. I have dreams and goals I want to achieve during this lifetime, one of them is being able to see the world/to travel, and seeing every single fascinating place on earth.

One thing I've always wanted to do is watch the sunset with my future, currently non-existant significant other. I've seen it by myself before, but I'm sure its different.

Okay, toodles now!!

The Days Without Guys - Day 315

Hell, only 60 more days till it'll be a full year. I hope we all can do a blog on that day, kind of like a celebration of this, though a number of us aren't experiencing days without guys any longer. No faux pas, but hopefully those that were able to escape these days will never have to return.

A brief interlude of life from me.

Why. Who here haven't been chickened aka kissed? With the exception of Che Thai, I'm sure we all have huh?

The more I read this thread on soompi of "first makeout sessions", it's making me more and MORE depressed. I haven't been chicken in years! Ahhh the agony.

Besides my painful desires that have yet to be fulfilled, I want everyone to know, YES I AM A CHICKEN. I am seriously an idiot. A stupid fat little idiotic chicken. I all talk but when it comes to walk the walk, where am i? Chickening out. Oh yeah. How pathetic.

Let me ask you Ches, those that ever come here and read. How do I do it? How do I have the courage to approach him? I thought I could. Everyone else thought I could. But when push came to shove, I just threw myself into a fetal position and let by gones GO BY!!! All I had to do was walk up to him and place my order and ask for his number. But no, I didn't have to guts to do so and wasted 2 hours just sitting there, staring at him. HUHUHU. I mean, how can you just walk up to a guy and start something? What if he isn't interested and I end up being a loser? Well technicially, I am one, for sitting here and whining about this. But But. I just can't do it. I don't have the confidence in me. I just don't.

STOP READING NOW. THE REST ARE JUST PLAIN IDIOTIC WORDS TO MYSELF.

"YOU IDIOT. YOU STINKING IDIOT. WHERE ARE YOUR BALLS. WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT BRAVO? YOU MAKE ME SICK. BE A WOMAN AND GO GET THAT MAN. OR MOVE ON!"

-ahem-

So after a day has passed, I am here, regretting my chickenshit. For not approaching him. I mean, rejection is a really really hard thing to accept. It kills more than 90% of chances of people ever finding true love or hell, GETTING LAID.

So I've made up my mind AGAIN to go ask him for his number this coming Saturday. That means 6 days of talking myself into approaching him and what to say, only to have it dashed away 100 yards away from approaching him. The devil it be.

OH GREAT OL' Ches. Help your fellowship. Teach me your excellent ways. Or if you have those seduction pills or anything, I'm game. ^_^

Day 310 Wears on

LOL just wanted to comment on Che Thai's first officially rad post.

CONGRATS you wonderful beauty you!! ^_^ LOL i hope he ends up rotting on some really sad highway.

College eh? Me and you in the same boat here, man it's going to be crazy. But I can't wait. Just wish you could have gone to school with me. UT all the way!! Well not really, but I hope it'll grow on me, lol, kind of had that long overdue grudge against it too. You know, how asian parents going on and on about their kids getting into certain schools(UT) that made detest UT so bad since I was young. But beggars can't be choosers. HA!!!!

Well now, I gotta be off to bed, since there will be more work the upcoming days, total SHIT!

My problems and life will have to be on hold for now, so no detailed blogs from this loser any time soon. hehe.

Ciao!

The Days Without Guys - Day 310

Hello to all Ches. Wow, I finally joined this thing. DUDE!! I saw this blog before!!! I kinda skim through it but didn't know who it belonged to. LOL. I used to have an account but forgot about it over the years. Yes, I've also been reading the first few entries that the Ches wrote. I think I stop at Day 18 or so. It's such a hassel, though having to keep clicking "older posts" for like 399 times before I get to those older pages. It's pretty awesome blogging, it made me laugh here and there. ^_^ So, it is now 6:30 AM Central time. What am I doing up so early on a fine Tuesday summer day? I don't know, really. I was sleeping fine until I feel sweaty & just woke up. I lay there on bed for about 15 minutes and couldn't go back to sleep! I'm going to make breakfast for my mom at about 7:30. Hehehe...=]

So, my current obsession is soccer!! OMG. All those hot guys and I barely discovered it?! Geez. Alright, fine. Not all of the guys are hotties. Just a few, such as: Cesc Fabregas, David Villa, and Fernando Torres. All from the Spain national team. And yes, I've been watching the EURO 2008 from beginning to end. It's a good sport. =] At least I can understand it more than football even though my sister tried to explain it to me a dozen times. I'll upload a few pics at the end of this entry.

We're all still single, correct? To Che Xinh Xa: Remember the jerk I always talk about? Yes, the jerk. Well, I'm happy to say that I completely forgot about him! Finally, I'm free! lol. Aren't you so proud of me now?

I haven't been doing much this summer so I feel fat now. I still fit into my 0-3 size jeans *its all different sizes for different brands, apparently. O.o*, but I feel utterly fat in it. Only around the thigh/butt area. I think I inherit that from my mommy. -_- I'm watching VH1 now, and a video of Madonna is playing - Give It To Me. Heh, I'm never a fan of her.

As for school, I'm going to TWU this fall. It's a small & private university, population: about 2,000 or so. Again, there are NO Asian people at this campus. There are Asians at the Law School campus, but I don't think there are any undergrads. Pfffttt. There's a lot of Asians at that other school that I'm going to transfer to, and rich white people too. haha. It's also private, but costs A LOTTT more. Yeah, those kids are bad ass. But the school has a super good reputation, and you know Asian parents, always bragging about how insanely smart & a good girl/boy their child is when in reality they're some crackhead or slut. ahha. Okay, anyways. You know it's so true!!! =D Back to about me - all of the Viet parents of the kids that go to/graduated from that good school brag to other parents about it - my parents. haha. I hate it when they do that. Comparing their kids. Sheesh. Go gives a damn!? I don't. =D

OH yeah! My major is Chemistry. Whoo-hoo. One day I'm going to rule the world & become some kind of mad evil scientist. muahahah. LOL jk. Umm, I'm going to become an Anesthesiologist. Chyeah. =]

My dad asked me if I wanted to go to Vietnam this summer. UH...I don't know, or care, really. I'd rather go somewhere else than Vietnam. But you see, my grandmother is dying, so my parents want to come back to see her before she passes away. She's the only person I like. The rest are just a bunch of morons. Ain't worth my time and money seeing their faces.

Okay, okay I'll stop blabbing now. Picture time. ^_______^

OH YEAH. SPAIN WON!! OMG!!! haha. Fernando Torres made the goal. I followed the whole game from beginning to end. It was freaking awesome. I can't wait until FIFA in 2 years.

LOL. The look Sergio Ramos's face *guy in white T-shirt* made me laugh. But, that looks unsafe, though. O.o The hot guy? 2nd from bottom right corner - with his sleeves rolled up. Cesc Fabregas, # 10. ^_^ My fave: Left. David Villa # 10. He's short! But he's married to some ugly chick. Pffttt. His little girl is adorable, though:



Holy cow...I'd totally die if I was there. -___- Why? Because I'm totally claustrophobic. haha. Yeah, I figured that out last year when I started to feel panic-y & feel like its hard to breathe when there's a lot of people around me.


I'm editing this thing and it's insanely long! O_o

The Days Without Guys - Day 306

its almost a year since this blog was started! and summer is in the process! what have you guys being doing this summer, beside sitting at home and getting fat? -.- although that is a pleasure of life, well not when u have to go buy new pants size since you "outgrew" them. iyah. haha. since since i have to tone down for the body shot to give to the other che's to make a t shirt with everyone in it. haha. yay! i get to wear hot pictures the che's around. surely, that will attract the guys! not to me tho but they'll be asking for the numbers of everyone else ^___^

The Days Without Guys - Day 292

GAWD!!!! These days are so crappy.

Started this post 2 hours ago, now too sleepy to finish. LOL. But I'll try to tomorrow. Have lots of stuff to say to you folks...or no one in particular.

Ciao!

The Days Without Guys - Day 220

What now you guys? Seriously..WHAT now? Let me start off to tell you guys what I did all week.
Monday - Research Paper. Work.
Tuesday - Research Paper. Prepare for International Food Day.
Wednesday - Test. Study for Physics Test.
Thursday - Stayed Home. Research Paper.
Friday - Nothing in school. Went on the swings with my friend for a little bit. And while everybody went to watch the biggest volleyball game of the season, I had to go to work.
Saturday - Jogged. Late for work. Went to post office. Then, to Center City. AND then to South St. Pretty long day.

As you guys can see..I have no time for my friends or ANYBODY. I only have Sundays, but that's family day. And I just miss hanging out and being a teenager. It's ok. I know what I'm doing is going to help me a lot when I'm out there in the real world. But right now..I just want a break. I really do. And I think I'm gaining weight..=[ Even though I work out everyday. Jog all the time. I still feel fat and out of shape. I'm sorry for venting. But my friends don't want to hear it anymore and I don't know who else to say it to. I can't keep holding it in. I've had many times where I've wanted to throw up. But I know that if I do it, I'll get addicted and then I'll keep doing it. And I seriously do not want that. I know how to control myself but those thoughts are always in the back of my head. I wished that I loved myself a little more. I wished that I could look in the mirror and say..."hey, I look pretty today." and really mean it. I hate looking at myself directly in the mirror. I just look at my stomach..ALL the time to see how fat I've gotten. And lately, it has been getting pretty bad. Although people are telling me otherwise. I still think how I do. My best friend does not know how beautiful she is and she always compliments me when she's the one that's getting all the guys. It's kind of weird. But yeah. I sometimes wished that I wasn't so boring at first. I just hate showing and putting myself out there when I first meet somebody because I'm so insecure that they won't like me. Ok. Enough about me. As for you guys, I really do hope you all get better. I know we'll all get through the crap that we're going through. We've done it before. Smile. :]

The Days Without Guys - Day 218

I feel so sad along with the Che's who are suffering right now. There is not much to say accept that we are here. Talk to us and let us listen. CALL ME!!!

SO... I guess let me bitch too about life. I have two close friends that I hang with often and they like a guy that I like too. But they are more obvious about it, not afraid to touch him, lean on him, hug him, and even plan a surprise kiss on him. He doesn't like them because he likes me. We are like secretly trying to get together. But it is like impossible. I don't want to hurt my two friends. We have to secretly go see a movie and then come out like we didn't come in and then come back in to meet the other people. Why do we have to hide like this? It's painful to see the person you like surrounded by other girls. It sucks that we cannot even show the slightest interest in him. Like those movies, the parents also like to get in the way. Right now I'm trying to please my dad, who is like rooting for me to be successfull. He is realistic, he wants me to get a job and have a good life. He told me to not think about boys, get a boyfriend, blah blah. And my siblings are the nosy Asians, they like to ask questions, stare down any friend who comes to my house. Sighs. There are just so many factor, than just say lets be together and run away. I wish that was the case.

As for school, I'm in my 4th year and I don't have a clue what I want to do. My dad is paying for my education and I hate to see him wait and wait for me to get done and do something. I told him I don't know. And I don't know when it will take me to know. I don't want him to wait for me. I can borrow money to pay for my education. He is such a good father, that often time I feel so guilty if I don't try hard enough.

Talking about body image and selfesteem. What you see is not always what it is. I have my own problems. I am not the most fit person. I get tired just walking up to the third floor. And I don't exercise. I'm always wanting to eat. I feel that I can be better. I feel that guys dont ever talk to me unless I talk to them. it is either that they are not interested or they are afraid of me or something. Am I not friendly? lol. gosh. depressing it is. sometimes i just want to run away and travel and be a bum. if only i have the courage to stand up and say loudly that i quit! that i am over it all. this is why i wont have kids. i dont want to bring anymore human beings into this world. i want to tell my parents, why did they have me.. i mean- i dont want to be here. im tired of being the quiet, laidback, good girl, i dont know person. i want to be sure and step up and just beat the hell of things.

The Days Without Guys - Day 217

i think i finally got the hang of this numbering system partly cause i just count the days after che xinh xa's last post. haha =D

However, its back to posting about life for all of us. The portal to our life is starting to unfold as the countdown to graduation gets near. Sometimes, I just want to close that portal up and live in denial that we will be on our own soon. No more parents to call at work to buy milk because there's no more in the fridge. Everything will be on our shoulders. If you have weak shoulders, your going to collapse. If you have strong shoulders, how long will it take for you to collapse?

Life really hasn't taken me anywhere and as I sit and wonder why? The thought bounces back to as to, what I have even done for the river to flow my way? Absolutely nothing. I'm like that person who really tries hard to smile, be all bouncy, and cheery for those around me because if im sad its like the end of the world to some that knows me in person. My friend, once told me, well not once more since it like yesterday haha, that the last thing he wanted to see was me sad since i'm "happy little [che trai cay]." Is that what i really want people to see me as? I really don't openly tell people that i am sad nor want them to get involved with it. Since, honestly I get over things very quickly even if it kills me at that moment but what else can i do but move on? I'm not going to sit at home for like the rest of my life pondering on what went wrong. I try my best NOT to think of the worse things in life, keep my hopes up. But why doesn't it stay that way? I wake up. I trust. I given it my all. But in the end I'll be the one sitting alone in the dark trying to hold the tears back since all i wanted was to do well at life and in school I want to be accepted for being myself; naturally not so smart person but i try really hard in school, have no musical or athlete drive in me, and contain absolutely nothing "special." If people don't like it then too bad. I'll take my army against theirs. Yeah, thats right. GO DIE. haha. They say being yourself is much better than trying to be what others want you to be, but what about all of those who changes to something their not, into a totally jerkish because they didn't want to be alone. They rather give up themselves to have fake friends who would ditch them for free pizza. Well, not to that extreme but pretty close. haha.

The Ugly Best Friend

I hate how I'm the ugly best friend. Guys always want my best friend but she doesn't realize it and she always compliments me and whatnot. I wished that she wasn't though. It pisses me off that guys only talk to me when she's not around. I'm like the GO TO girl. AKA, the REBOUND. I'm so fucking tired of it.