When will my feeble mind stop dreaming for the impossible.
When will I learn to stop wanting what I can never have.
When will I see the light that's been blown out.
When will my desires burn to ash.
When will everything be ok.
When will you love me for who I am.
When will I stop coming around anymore.
When will the dry of my eyes exist no longer.
When will I stop allowing myself to feel and bury my heart.
September 22, 2011
September 9, 2011
This time around
There are times when you know what you're suppose to do, but where do you find the courage to do so? At what part do you overcome the "what ifs" and to hell with everything?
This isn't a tragedy, it's not a melodrama. Just a girl, living in a state of doubts and insecurities. What does she doubt? Why, her very being. The existence of her beliefs. Is she strong enough to stand before her maker and spit in his eye? We try not to second guess ourselves, we hear the words our instincts are screaming, but do we comprehend?
This isn't a big deal. It could be the tiniest insecurity, or the fall of her. How do you confront a dead past? What if you bring it back to life? What if it takes your life instead? What if your biggest fear of not being able to let go comes true? That contentment is faux. How can we live on with no ending? The wait is killing us.
This time around, who will come out on top? Can I just keep my pride intact, please.
This isn't a tragedy, it's not a melodrama. Just a girl, living in a state of doubts and insecurities. What does she doubt? Why, her very being. The existence of her beliefs. Is she strong enough to stand before her maker and spit in his eye? We try not to second guess ourselves, we hear the words our instincts are screaming, but do we comprehend?
This isn't a big deal. It could be the tiniest insecurity, or the fall of her. How do you confront a dead past? What if you bring it back to life? What if it takes your life instead? What if your biggest fear of not being able to let go comes true? That contentment is faux. How can we live on with no ending? The wait is killing us.
This time around, who will come out on top? Can I just keep my pride intact, please.
April 6, 2011
The days without....?
Hi guys! Long time since I've posted, but then, i highly doubt anybody reads my jibberish. :D But for those who do, i'm stump.
What am I without these days? A muse. Inspiration. A desire. I feel like the days just blend into one another, and as much as I love routines to death, I believe it is taking it's toll on me. But I don't feel satisfied. What am I missing? What have I been going without?
Not a guy for sure, my baby's got me covered :) I love you sweetheart.
Then what is my new inner drive? What am I to do with myself now? If life were like a chick flick, I could simply walk away and "find myself". But that is the hardest part to do. To just leave everything and not have any worries or guilt. So why couldn't it be so easy? What burdens us? That noose around our neck is only getting tighter, why haven't I found a way to escape yet? Cut the ties? Ah but I have but my own two hands, hands that cease to do as I wish when it made the knot to begin with.
I want a simple life. I don't need glam or glitter. Call me boring, but I just want to be happy.
I have an idea, but...where are the steps leading to that future? Why am I still sitting in the dark? Gotta get up. Gotta make up my mind.
Is it time to live yet?
What am I without these days? A muse. Inspiration. A desire. I feel like the days just blend into one another, and as much as I love routines to death, I believe it is taking it's toll on me. But I don't feel satisfied. What am I missing? What have I been going without?
Not a guy for sure, my baby's got me covered :) I love you sweetheart.
Then what is my new inner drive? What am I to do with myself now? If life were like a chick flick, I could simply walk away and "find myself". But that is the hardest part to do. To just leave everything and not have any worries or guilt. So why couldn't it be so easy? What burdens us? That noose around our neck is only getting tighter, why haven't I found a way to escape yet? Cut the ties? Ah but I have but my own two hands, hands that cease to do as I wish when it made the knot to begin with.
I want a simple life. I don't need glam or glitter. Call me boring, but I just want to be happy.
I have an idea, but...where are the steps leading to that future? Why am I still sitting in the dark? Gotta get up. Gotta make up my mind.
Is it time to live yet?
March 18, 2011
March 17, 2011
Queen Seon Deok Drama
This is what I'm currently watching. 62 episodes. Finally it is coming to an end. I'm on episode 51.
October 17, 2010
Waiting for you today
Sunday, October 17, 2010
I told myself to not worry too much that I will see you today. Even as late as 8pm. Time went by and I felt like a fool. Waiting and waiting for something that was not mine. I didn't want to bother you so I didn't text you as much. But I was constantly checking my phone to see if you would text me about your whereabouts, but there was nothing... I looked to you for an answer and some comforting words that maybe, just maybe we could see each other soon. But there was nothing. I had to comfort myself and tried to occupy my mind with other things so that time would fly by fast enough.
I sat there dressed and ready. But like a bride at the altar, my groom never came. The weekend was slowly coming to an end. You knew how much I wanted to see you. You knew we weren't going to meet Saturday. You could have saved today. Why didn't you? Why didn't you wake me up before it all started to crumble? Maybe... I could see you for a second before everything went downhill. I cried and I cried. Why me? Why today? Why the weekends?
From hopeful to hopeless. I'm was angry and irritated, but still I was holding to a slim chance. Until you tell me that you don't know. When did my knight in shining armor becomes useless? Why isn't he fighting for us? I guess we should of ended last week. I should of stayed strong and let you go. However, I gave us a chance. And now I feel like a fool. I wish you were honest with me. Why did you lie to me? Even the smallest thing. You knew. You knew. I am so sad and broken.
When I wrote my goodbye letter, tears were running down my eyes like a gushing water fall that never ends. I felt every drop on my face. Even after it all, I was still hoping that you would show up in front of my house and convinced me to leave with you. You could have done so much. You could of called me. You knew I wanted to see your face and hear your voice. But you were so cruel. You didn't do any of that! Every time that I have faith in you, you disappoint me. I just hope you would hold true to your words and stand up for what you believe in. And follow your heart!
You know that I will never be the same. That I will cry myself to sleep every night. And when I think of you I will burst out crying as well. Sadness is what I am feeling. No, I won't hate you. Don't think you can take the short cut out of this.
I told myself to not worry too much that I will see you today. Even as late as 8pm. Time went by and I felt like a fool. Waiting and waiting for something that was not mine. I didn't want to bother you so I didn't text you as much. But I was constantly checking my phone to see if you would text me about your whereabouts, but there was nothing... I looked to you for an answer and some comforting words that maybe, just maybe we could see each other soon. But there was nothing. I had to comfort myself and tried to occupy my mind with other things so that time would fly by fast enough.
I sat there dressed and ready. But like a bride at the altar, my groom never came. The weekend was slowly coming to an end. You knew how much I wanted to see you. You knew we weren't going to meet Saturday. You could have saved today. Why didn't you? Why didn't you wake me up before it all started to crumble? Maybe... I could see you for a second before everything went downhill. I cried and I cried. Why me? Why today? Why the weekends?
From hopeful to hopeless. I'm was angry and irritated, but still I was holding to a slim chance. Until you tell me that you don't know. When did my knight in shining armor becomes useless? Why isn't he fighting for us? I guess we should of ended last week. I should of stayed strong and let you go. However, I gave us a chance. And now I feel like a fool. I wish you were honest with me. Why did you lie to me? Even the smallest thing. You knew. You knew. I am so sad and broken.
When I wrote my goodbye letter, tears were running down my eyes like a gushing water fall that never ends. I felt every drop on my face. Even after it all, I was still hoping that you would show up in front of my house and convinced me to leave with you. You could have done so much. You could of called me. You knew I wanted to see your face and hear your voice. But you were so cruel. You didn't do any of that! Every time that I have faith in you, you disappoint me. I just hope you would hold true to your words and stand up for what you believe in. And follow your heart!
You know that I will never be the same. That I will cry myself to sleep every night. And when I think of you I will burst out crying as well. Sadness is what I am feeling. No, I won't hate you. Don't think you can take the short cut out of this.
September 8, 2010
Rainy Day
i love rain. i love looking out the window and stare at the rain falling down. slanting rain, straight rain, rain that comes down in buckets, or sprinkly rain. what i don't love is, when my entire feet and socks and shoes are soaking wet from walking a freaking mile from the parking lot to my class. and every path on campus is flooded with water, so its impossible to avoid those puddles! i need to buy rain boots...
August 25, 2010
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