-sigh- I don't know why I torture myself so. Seeing people all lovely dovey with one another, it makes me happy, yet at the same time, depressed. Because I want that for myself. But I don't have it. I try to find it so hard, that when I do see potential, I tend to scare it away. Or my patience doesn't withhold in time and I lose interest. Sure, I still would like for the happy days to come, but they're no longer my top priority. Which sucks, cause that means in the long run, I will lose interest.
I was reading on soompi about bf and gf groping on one another, and somehow, I'm jealous of these girls being molested at such a young age. LOL that's sick right. LOL no, I just miss the intimacy that a relationship provides you. Being able to have someone to turn to, and I dunno, feel them up. It's so depressing, an hour later, I'm reading the make out session thread, and it makes me all teary. WHY WHY WHY.
3 weeks into school, and yet, I can say, I have improved myself. I do put in the effort to study and make ends meet. I think with motivation behind you, it does make the mind aware and more willing. =/ make much sense? Going to class and sitting there, I do try to take in what is being said. But seriously, 3 presentations due within the month? KILL ME NOW! And what makes it worst, they're all group projects.
Ah, that horrid day is just around the corner. Even though I'm not the only one on this boat, having to sit on it for so long, I am getting more weak and weak by the minute to uphold the stone-i don'tcare-face look. I walk into stores and departments and all I see are hearts and red and pink and it's sickening. like seriously, GET OVER IT. =P
I need a new hobby. Or or, my hobby can be studying, but it wouldn't last long. I'm over my jig saw puzzle days (though they will come back), I can't cook, I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't be a cam-whore all day, so what's left? Studying. I really never thought it was possible, but I am over my reading-obsession days. I would constantly be sitting anywhere with a book and just evolve into it, but now, I only pick it up when I'm doing business. =/ But I'm glad I had those days (even if it cost me a fortune) cause now I can actually pick up a text book and read it.
So I'm sitting here in the PSY experiment building, well, it's not all designated for PSY experiments, but a good number of the rooms are for such. Waiting for an empty computer to finish my last hour and a half of my experiment. Playing "shoot the tank". Okay, that's not what's it called, but thats all you do! I sit there for over an hour, and it is timed, killing 2-3 tanks before getting killed. 10 minutes into the game and I'm already sick of it, but I can't do much about that but keep playing. Yesterday, I devised a devious plan that got the other two tanks trapped into a corner with my own when I ran out of fuel to do anything. I thought I was home free, like, "OH YEAH, I out smarted you. I win. let me go home", but no, the tech dude moniter came over and made me self-destruct myself. =/ Another 20 minutes into the game, and I'm dying like hell. Oh wells, at least today was my last day, and I was paid $20 for it, surprise surprise. (CHA-CHING).
So much that needs to be done, sigh, I will end this post with a few short lines.
Time isn't enough,
Time isn't corrupt,
Time isn't critical,
Time is only forever.
Ciao!
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