Today is blahness day. I feel so uncomfortable beyond words. Things aren't going well. I want to be able to have a quiet and relaxing day. Today I feel like I want to be alone somehow, but I was not able to do so. I wanted to have lunch alone but I ended up seeing people I know and ended up with them. I tried to avoid one person and ended up meeting many people. I guess I coincidentally meet with many people I know that I don't want to. I just want to be alone. Anyhow, one days where I need someone, no one is there. It sucks huh. I took a test today and I think I did good. But you know whenever I feel that I did good, I ended up doing bad. So I hope this isn't the case or else I would feel really sad. Really sad... really. hehe.
There's lots to do this week, and I'm not sure if I can do it alone. I really need someone to help me out. My niece and nephews, they have me who can help them because I been through elementary school and so forth. But when I started out I had no one. My family when we first came to the U.S., didn't know English. I was eight and clueless. Everything was done by myself. I had no one to turn to. It was very sad. And even now, in college, I'm alone. I hate that feeling.
I know I said this before, but I want to leave everything behind and go away.. I'm sick of having to follow orders just because I was born into a civilized society. I didn't choose, I was born into it. It's bullshit. It's upsetting and stressful thinking about everything. I cannot stop thinking because that's reality. It exists even if I think about it or not. I rather acknowledge that I exits then pretend it doensn't. What is it you ask? Well a lot of things like the world, how it functions, society, unfairness, poverty, etc. All of those things that bother many people. I think during out time, it isn't a bad time. Maybe when it gets worse to the point that the people I cannot stand it, that there will be a revolution or someone coming out as a leader to reform society. I don't think having a democracy society is the best.
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