The Days Without Guys - Day 64

So I have so much coming up in early November, knowing this I should start on it early before I get overwhelmed by it. I have a bad feeling about this somehow. October went by so fast. I wonder how November will be like. I hope it's better somehow. I don't know why I keep putting things aside and not do it. I know it is because I don't want to do it. But school work, I pay for the class, and is school or job of any important to me? Probably not, then why am I in school? Because I was put into school. And also I wouldnt know what else to do really or with my time as I feel complete, totally, so unmotivate to make a move in this life, world, universe. I feel that my existence is merely a dot, start that happens to be there with no real meaning or anything. Buddhism would say to meditate and or not to think about it because it serves me no use. Still I must think about nonsense because although I am aware, I am still condition and stuck with the notion of dual and the self still exists in me, because for I am me and that I cannot deny but really there is no me or I because no self exists. For I cannot see me but what exists is the action of it all. Okay sorry for the confusion, just let me blah it all out of my mind. Maybe then will get my head up straight. You know in the old old days when there are scholars still are but like those people were like the rich folks who have nothing to do and so they have time to waste to think. The average person is invested in trying to survive and so no time to wonder and think. How does poverty and being fortunate affect how one think? Take me for instant, I'm not filthy rich but I'm not starving. My parents don't make me have to get out of school to work. So I don't understand what it is like to be really poor and without food. Since I am not suffering severly physically and probably mentally as well that I have time and is sitting here doing and thinking about things that is not benefiting. I am complaning about my life and whatnot. But like people are out there probably dying and in worse condition. I think I need to stop being in the safe comfort zone and get out to experience pain and suffering really...